At the August 11 Trenton Thunder/Akron Aeros game, played at Waterfront Park in Trenton (at a temperature just below that which would cause the ad covered outfield fence to burst into flames) I was dazzled by a new baseball marketing gimmick.
The bat retrieving dog, Chase.
After each Thunder batter had been recorded out, Chase charged onto the field and picked up the bat in his jaws, dutifully returning it to the dugout.
While assuming that no member of PETA has become aware of this – don’t laugh, I’m sure there is some animal lover willing to be hit with a bat thousands of times before allowing Chase to fetch another one – I think the Thunder may be on to something… something that might have an application at athletic venues across the nation, and The ’Burbs.

• At Citizens Bank Park, the Phils could easily make a dog, let’s call him Whizzer, drink to his content every inning and then turn him loose to pee on the legs of Phils who have struck out.
• During Sixers games, the Wachovia Center crowd might be thrilled to see Chomper, a specially trained pit bull run down players after missed jumpers.

And it doesn’t have to stop there, professionals can get in on the action…

• The Eagles would be wise to keep a staff proctologist around to explain the in-game actions of Terrell Owens. Those folks see lots of assholes.
• At Camden Yards in Baltimore, nationally acclaimed hospital Johns Hopkins could send a lab team to race out to test accused steroid user Rafael Palmeiro's urine after every at bat. Raffy should have no problem whipping his schlong out in front of thousands, he’s a spokesperson for Viagra.

Censors, good taste and PETA be damned, I love Chase.
If he could have fetched me an air conditioner, I’d worship him as a god.

Tags: rafael palmeiro terrell owens steroids philadelphia trenton