Coming soon to a computer screen near you: hipper, funnier versions of George and Martha Washington touting the merits of modern-day Bucks County.¹

The first U.S. president and his wife have been transported from the 18th century and are ready to creatively cyber-market such Bucks County hot spots as Sesame Place, the Michener Museum and, naturally, Washington Crossing State Park.² 

...... “We want to create a YouTube³ series that inspires people to fall in love with Bucks County,” bureau marketing director David West said. “We're hoping this will create a buzz and takes off as a series that people will follow online.⁴

.…On Tuesday morning at the Bristol Riverside Theatre, 19 actors and standup comics auditioned ….“I would love to be the viral face⁵ of Bucks County,” said Taj Carr, 21, of Levittown… Carr, who takes acting classes at Bucks County Community College, played Washington as drunk and relatively incoherent.⁶

 … Among the more animated candidates (was) Chris Persico of Morrisville, who performed a hip-hop version of “Yankee Doodle” on an invisible flute⁷. …“Right now, we're looking for the talent to speak to us,” he said. “We're looking for dry, subtle, clever humor with no crassness. No "Jackass' humor⁸….”

 

Courier Times: Tay Zonday that shit, pronto!

 

 

1-     RE: Merits – Think they'll have George pose as a gratuitously overpaid, over-mortgaged investment banker/pharma rep type who lives north of Route 1, brings Martha to swingers parties in South Philly and takes the train into New York whenever he wants to go to “The City?”…Or as a Tullytown resident who gleefully pitches his garbage out his window into “The Largest Landfill in Pennsylvania^TM?” ...Prolly not.

 

2-     Want to make an impact on the younger crowd? Instead of continued failed crossing reenactments, they should pile drive a random pompous British asshole celebrity. It’s not like there’s a shortage of people to use.

3-  “What the fuck?” M. Night Shyamalan said. " YouTube sucks balls....You guys know I make films here, right?"

 

 

5-     Viral Face will not be even one-tenth as cool as The Gas Face.

 

6-     Bucks County: The Nation’s First D.U.I Checkpoint ^TM

 

7-     This is exactly why hip-hop is dead. Washington Kriss-Krossing

 

8-     Bam Margera’s rocky relationship with the county continues.