Worst. Date. Ever.

The cast of The Preston & Steve Show tells us about their worst dates

Preston Elliot:

“I was out on a date… things had been progressing nicely, so we went back to my apartment and things started getting kind of heavy-duty…We were in the bedroom and getting naked, and we’re just about to get to the juicy part, and all of a sudden she goes, ‘Oh, my God!’ and she ran into the bathroom, and all I hear is her projectile vomiting. I mean LOUD, splashing all over the place. And I wanted to help her out, so I’m trying to open the door and hand her a cold towel and I push the door open a little bit, and she must have kicked it or something, and slammed my hand in the door.

So, here she is puking; I’m screaming because my fingers almost got sliced off.…So she stayed in there for awhile, and I’d check on her, and she’d tell me to leave her alone, so I just went to sleep. She slept in the bathroom on the floor. And she had the puke all dried in her hair the next morning, and I had the wonderful job of driving her home after that…That was real fun.

I never went out with her again. Vomiting—never a good thing on a date.”

Steve Morrison:

“When I was dating my wife…well, she suffers from really heavy-duty migraine headaches. So, on one date, we went out to this function, which was a celebration at a local restaurant with a catering room. About 10 minutes into the event, she gets one of these headaches, and I didn’t know her all that well at that point, so I ended up driving her back to her parents’ house, which was close, and laid her down on the kitchen floor with a pillow because she needed something cold to lay on. And I picked up a National Enquirer, and read to her, lying on the floor next to her, as she moaned and groaned and complained about the light in the room. That was a bad date. But that’s about as bad as it’s gotten for me—and I ended up marrying her! So maybe what you want to do, ladies, is lay on the floor and moan, and you will get a husband.”

Casey Foster:

“You know, it’s funny: I didn’t ever do a whole lot of dating. I did take this girl out in the summer between my junior and senior year of college and we went and saw Independence Day.

We sat in the front row of the theater. I had horrible gas…I had to hold it all in for however long that movie was. I mean, it was a crowded movie theater. So at the end of the night, she had driven, and was going to drop me off… I couldn’t even think about giving her a kiss, I just needed to get out of the car. And I probably released about a minute-and-a-half worth of fart. And you know what? We never hooked up.”

Kathy Romano:

“I don’t really have any bad dating stories. I dated the same guy through all of college, and we broke up. And then I met my husband, who I dated about four or five years before we were married. So I’ve had two really long relationships. I’m still friends with the ex-boyfriend who I’d dated for, like, four years before I dated my husband.”

Nick McIlwain:

“I don’t know if I’ve had any bad dates, really, but there’ve been girls I’ve dated who ended up being kind of psycho. There was a girl I went out on one date with, and she was nice, and was a friend of a friend. We went out to see American Pie. Then we went out to the bar afterwards.

We were having a perfectly nice time, but it was the first date, and for whatever reason—I don’t know if she was desperate, lonely or what—but she fell in love with me immediately. She started sending me presents and emailing me constantly, calling constantly. And I’m a nice guy, and I’m not ugly, but I’m not somebody that I would consider crush-worthy, or stalking-worthy. That was the first time I’d ever encountered something like that, and I had no idea how to handle it. I ran for the hills!”

-Sarah Baicker