As the new fall television season quickly congeals into a massive blob of shit, it's best to remember
that these mediocre programs could be much worse. With that in mind, here's a list of my favorite unsold television pilots.

Great Day (1977)

Happy Days' Al Molinaro and beloved midget Billy Barty star in this horribly misguided sitcom that attempted to examine the carefree, laugh-a-minute lives of New York City's homeless.

Higher Ground (1988)

When people think of John Denver they tend to remember him as that dead country singer guy who always seemed to hang around the Muppets. People rarely think of him as an ass-kicking, tough as nails P.I. which is exactly why "Higher Ground" never went to series.

Steel Justice (1992)

In the near future, the son of a detective is killed and reincarnates into a toy robot dragon. Now, whenever the boy's father is threatened, the son morphs into a giant fire-breathing monster. The first show to be made for nine year olds by nine year olds.

Where's Everett? (1966)

Alan Alda stars as a young father who, one day, discovers that aliens have left an invisible baby named Everett on his doorstep. Yes, you read that correctly. Some lunatic actually wanted to make a television series starring Alan Alda.

Poor Devil (1973)

Jet set satanism abounds in this goofy pilot where Sammy Davis Jr. plays an inept disciple of the Devil (horror icon Christopher Lee). Endlessly cheesy, but it does earn bonus points for it's oddball depiction of hell. Apparently, if you're bad, you'll be sent to a garish hotel lobby where you'll be forced to shovel coal in a bright red nehru jacket.

Evel Knievel (1974)

In this sadly unrealized series, the star spangled stunt man would somehow manage to solve complex mysteries and still find the time to jump over a burning car or two. Who do I have to kill/screw to get this show on the air?

The Astronauts (1982)

If you've ever wished that someone would take the premise behind "Three's Company" and set on a space station called Scilab then there's a good chance you're probably required to wear a helmet whenever you leave the house. Nonetheless, you still would've been an ideal audience for "The Astronauts".