Frank remarks
Famous River Hot Dog Man helps feed hungry tubers

By Brian Francis Smith
Philly EDGE Correspondent

Do you remember the book Walden, from your high school reading assignments? The one in which the author decides that city living is shit, so he moves out into a little cabin in the woods.
Well, that’s sort of like Greg Crance’s story. Except replace the cabin with a pontoon boat. And add hot dogs.
Lots and lots of hot dogs.
Greg Crance is known as the Famous River Hot Dog Man. And for good reason. For the past 20 years, Crance, 41 of Southampton, has served up tasty dogs and lunchtime treats for hungry Delaware River Tubing customers bobbing down the river. What makes Crance different from your average food cart jockey is that he’s willing to go where no hot dog man has gone before: into the river.
Sound fishy?
Not at all. Years ago Crance erected a hot dog stand on top of his yellow pontoon boat. Now every morning Crance takes the helm of his unlikely craft and heads for his favorite spot on the river: Resolution Island. He says he selected this particular location because it marks the midway point for tubers and rafters on their lazy downstream journey, and it also affords adventurers the perfect place to break for lunch. While many tubers enjoy the scenic relaxation of floating down the tranquil Delaware River, there’s no denying that for many, the Famous River Hot Dog man is the main attraction.
On a typical summer afternoon hundreds of hungry tubers and rafters dismount at Resolution Island and splash their way over to the curious floating hot dog stand. Crance collects soggy money and serves up lunch with a smile. Picnic tables in ankle deep water flank the bank of the island as patrons devour hot dogs and chuckle at the surrealism of it all.
Crance, who claims dual certifications from the board of health and the boating authority, has managed to carve out a satisfying career by doing it his way. Years ago, many people wondered why this former Marine chose to trade in his high-paying sales job for summers spent slinging dogs. Crance sums up his decision this way, “Out here on the river, it’s paradise.”
And looking around at his “office,” it’s hard to argue with the man.
A plush canopy of trees hangs overhead while the Delaware River slaps against the boat in a soothing beat. It’s a world away from staid, climate-controlled offices and dreaded cubicles. After talking to this jolly, laid-back father of four, one begins to get the feeling that Crance has it all figured out.
But don’t let his Zen existence fool you. The Famous River Hot Dog man is quite an entrepreneur. Not content with being merely the hot dog man, Crance has recently assumed operations of the entire Delaware Riving Tubing company. He has also expanded his empire by adding additional hot dog boats to his fleet. It’s fair to say that the Famous River Hot Dog Man is on a roll.
But what does this new responsibility mean?
Well, for one thing, the entire Crance family now takes a turn at holding down the floating kitchen, while Captain Crance himself motors back and forth from the start point to Resolution Island. Sure it’s more work, but Crance takes it all in stride. Just another day in the life of the Famous River Hot Dog Man.

Philly EDGE was lucky enough to talk to Greg Crance, the Famous River Hot Dog Man. Our probing discussion included topics such as the war in Iraq, global warming and the possibility of human cloning.
Just kidding!
But we did ask him about his wiener.

When did you first decide to make a living with your wiener?
(Laughs) Well…uh…I always was one big wiener.

What’s the most important feature of a wiener, size or taste?
Alright then…ummm. I think the taste is most important.

Obviously people love your wiener, Greg. Have you ever had a customer that was unsatisfied with your wiener?
(Long pause) No. Everyone always loves our wieners.

If someone was unsatisfied with your wiener, would they get their money back, or would you offer them a second wiener?
(Laughs) What would I do if they were unsatisfied? (Silently muses.)
I can’t remember anyone being unsatisfied.

Greg, in this age of hormone injected food and mass production farming, Philly EDGE readers want to know if your wiener is enhanced by chemicals, or is it all natural?
Well…I know that it’s all beef.

All beef?
Yeah!

How do first-timers generally react to your wiener?
(Groans) They really like our big juicy wieners.

Now Greg, we’ve talked a lot about your wiener, let’s talk a little bit about your buns. Do your buns ever get soggy or misshapen from being near the water all day?
Oh, no, no. (Laughs) We have very voluptuous and soft, fresh buns.

Do you take any precautions in keeping your buns fresh?
Absolutely! We keep them protected always.

OK, good to know. Just two questions left. I’ve read somewhere that some people can’t be satisfied by wieners alone. Do you offer other options?
Yes. We have cheeseburgers, veggie burgers, nachos, chicken breasts. We have beautiful breasts. (Mischievous laugh)

Excellent. And lastly, why should everyone experience your wiener?
Why should everyone experience my wiener? (Repeats question.)
I guess it’s just the best wiener in New Jersey and Pennsylvania. Right in the middle of the river, the same river that George Washington crossed. (Growing excited)
And had I been open 200 years ago, all of his troops would have had my wieners too!

Wow! What an image! Well, thanks Greg. We appreciate your time. Is there anything else you’d like to say?
Yes. I spend a lot of time making sure our wieners fit perfectly inside our ovens.

Oh! (laughing) It’s the end of the interview…and now you’re on fire!
I guess.

Anything else you’d like to say?
Yeah. (laughs) This was weird.

Thanks, Greg.
Thank you.

What: Delaware River Tubing
Where: 2998 Daniel Bray Hwy.
Frenchtown, NJ
www.delawarerivertubing.com
www.riverhotdogman.com
1.866.WET.TUBE
1.866.938.8823